Hey, how have you been?
Look, we have to talk. We’ve been in a stable relationship for a long time now but something is really starting to irritate me. You keep disappearing on me.
I mean, yes, I know I’m not perfect either. I probably shouldn’t shout at you like I do when you’re slowly waking up. I know you’re not all there first thing but you do have too much of a sloth-like quality at that time. Anyway, I’m not saying that all your disappearances are unexplained but lots frustratingly are.
Like when we went out to dinner a while ago. So I was a little distracted by the company and the food there, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you! It took me forever to find you in that bag of mine. Good grief, it was only a clutch! What did you do, hide inside my purse for half of the search? And how did you managed to get so scratched up? What were you doing? Expressing your love to my nail file in the most physical way possible?
The vanishing trick you pull when I turn my attention away from you for a few hours, however, is the most ridiculous. Kindly ask the aliens to stop kidnapping you or at least to bring you home before I need to contact someone without delay/ need to go out. I realise you guys need your “man time” or whatever bonding it is that aliens and phones do together but I need you around, sweetie. I’m not saying you can’t, just give me some warning, ok? Sundays are fine with me.
Thank you for understanding, my love. You’ve always been there to support me after my Ipod left without even a note. I hope you’ll always be there for me
except Sundays, natch.