Getting There Slowly

It’s weird not to feel the constant pressure of anxiety-fulled stress. If you give me a moment, I’ll expand on that: I am an anxious person by default. Nurture mostly as opposed to nature. I was bullied pretty badly for a large chunk of my childhood and my mother suffered with chronic depression. Watching her have panic attacks and never knowing when you’ll next be made the butt of a joke tend to put a person on edge.

Being in my current relationship has mellowed me out a lot. He’s very dependable and his way of thinking is so straightforward that even if I do manage to misunderstand, it’s easily resolvable. He’s so simple too. Not intellectually, he has a degree in something I will never fully comprehend, but in his view of the world. It doesn’t occur to him to lust after other people because he’s in a relationship for example. It was a change of pace to say the least when I started seeing him. In my old relationships I always felt like I had to prove myself, due to the anxiety although I’m sure the bruised ego had a hand in that.

One of the other things that has me quite calm currently is that my mother is attending counselling. I am a great believer in talking therapy. As a result I often become people’s personal counsellors. True fact: I once considered taking a course on it so I could make some cash on the side. Anyway, my mother talking to a professional has taken some weight off of my shoulders. She’s always been very open with me but I know there are certain things she’d rather not talk to her daughter about, and counsellors are trained to help people alter their thinking around an issue. I’m just a chatty berk with lots of opinions.

Feeling like I’m making progress on my course finally is also helping lower the anxiety levels. Despite the knowledge that I have almost definitely failed my most recent exam. At least I took it, right? If I’m really lucky I’ll get a pass and be very surprised.

This post was inspired by a gentleman I was introduced to through a mutual friend. He thanked me for discussing my issues so openly and candidly. He mentioned he does not feel comfortable discussing his issues with anyone bar a close few. Said it was refreshing. Which is a little sad if you think about it; because we are so afraid of imposing on others an acquaintance, not much more than a stranger to be honest, felt the need to thank me for discussing a common issue. I want to change that. If people want to discuss their issues and would like support, I want to be able to encourage them to do so without them fearing that they are imposing or ‘dragging down the mood’. We all have our own little problems. After all, misery loves company, and people like to feel a sense comradery. Even with strangers.

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